Asking this question was based on unconscious ignorance of the shared aspect of a marriage with a real person you choose, instead implying a marriage with an amorphous amalgam of society’s implicitly communicated assumptions.
With this implication, the hesitation and questioning was and still is reasonable. Who would want to marry the many examples of terrible spouses you have heard of or seen. Therefore, a better alternative is, “why marry this person you are choosing?”.
Perhaps there are benefits that bring one to a choice like this. An explicit discussion of a shared desirable future with a lover and friend. A desire for permanence in emotional connection with this person. Economic and social benefits of being with them.
What convinced me was the agency of the first benefit, since the desire for permanence of the relationship is implicit in my decision to be serious with the person in the first place, thus predating the choice of a marriage[1]and a focus on the economic and social benefits stems from a philosophy I am not interested in (i.e. using people).
Beyond that, a personally reasonable benefit is the elevation of your relationship. Your friendship going beyond the less serious - yet important - relationship into spousehood is a personal, social, legal - and for those who believe, spiritual - testimony to the seriousness with which you intend to care for your spouse and your relationship. If there is another way to proclaim this elevation that I am unaware of, I would love to know.
Therefore, it is not about the concept of a marriage, but the prospectus of a marriage to this person. The explicitness of this leads to a second question, what kind of marriage is worth undertaking such testimony?
For me, only one is, me and my friend. Me and my game, joke, drink, food, talk, serious, business, sex and pray buddy.[2] If I do not see the possibility of sharing myself in these ways with this person or wanting to know them in these many ways, there is no point to the entire enterprise.
Initially, I was asking the titular question from a purely epistemological perspective. I wanted to know why people did and do it, especially given the deluge of evidence against the choice.
The good faith answer is that they do it because they believe in the person in front of them.[3]
Footnotes
- [1]Also, while marriage contains the promise of permanence, it is not an assurance of permanence, as seen by the normalcy of breakups and divorce. I am not certain how much this should weigh in consideration.↩
- [2]It is why I propose asking out your good friend, not making your girlfriend your friend. Not that that is not possible, but I have never fancied that. ↩
- [3]I do not believe the primary purpose of marriage is begetting, hence the ignorance of children in this discussion. To me, they are a collaborative choice made after choosing a spouse.↩